A Love Letter to Myself By Florence (Dom-an) Macagne
Dear Dom-an,
When did you last get a love letter? I remember the long and short letters from a dear friend before his Sacred Breath was suddenly snatched out of his fragile body in a horrible crime called an extra-judicial killing of social activists in 2005. Then time stood still. Sadly, my angry and confused mother burned those treasured letters believing that I went crazy because of being heartbroken. With too many loved ones deprived of their Sacred Breath in senseless violence, my heart turned numb, my heart became frozen, and I cried my eyes dry.
The author dancing for healing. Credit: Raymond Pangan/Author’s Facebook Page.
I wrote many letters after that. I poured my heart and tears into letter after letter. Some got to the intended recipients, some were received with deaf ears and blind eyes. Worse, some must have landed in the wrong hands, bringing dangerous masked men who disturbed the solemnity of my mourning period. Some reached and touched minds and hearts, responding with loving action more than I’ll ever know, and for which I am deeply grateful for the gift of life and eternal love I continue to receive.
Yet, dearest Dom-an, none of those passionate letters were written for you. Perhaps this is why it felt like a part of you has become a bit distant, that you have moved out elsewhere. Scattered. A piece here and there, everywhere. This should have meant that I could find you wherever I look yet, something felt amiss.
Fog rolling over the author’s homeland. Sourced from the author’s Facebook page.
And so, I am writing this letter in that state, with a feeling of uncertainty brewing within, fomenting discomfort as I find a piece of myself about to enter a very strange alley—an alley I vowed not to stray into. Cynics Street, the sign flashes. A part of me feels frustrated, doubting with a bit of fear creeping in, and asking, did I get lost? How did I get here? Did I sleepwalk like I did in childhood? How and where do I go from here?
As always when there are still too many unanswered questions, pause to take in Sacred Breath, dearest Doma-an, as you also honor those whose Sacred Breaths were violently cut.
Clear your mind and find your way back to your heart with this letter. With your nose flute, let every gentle note flow with the breath, and let the music dispel the feelings that draw you to that dark alley. Let the Sacred Breath music provide the much-needed respite. Live in the silence between breaths, and allow yourself to listen to your pulse, to your heartbeat. Let this remind you that alive, your dreams and potential are before you. Let the flow of the Sacred Breath refresh every single cell of your blood, organs, senses. Gently open your heart and the hearts of those who listen.
Let it be the spirit that calls you back to wholeness and oneness of Self. Let Sacred Breath be your guide to the path of light, the silver lining of hope no matter how turbulent the world as it is now may be. Let it be the inner music that guides our movement, that allows the Sacred Life within you to flow and beat in vitality. Let the Sacred Breath be the inner music that enlivens the inner dance of your beautiful life tempered by the pain and loss. Let each cycle of in-breath and out-breath restore the balance of your feeling-thinking-doing-being, your mental health, and well-being. Let it remind you of the promise of life that comes with the sunrise, that whispers in the wind, that softly flutters with the wings of the butterflies and the rustling of the leaves, that stands in dignity with our mountain ancestors, that flows from the springs to the rivers, seas and oceans.
My dearest, you have gone through intense challenges and experiences as you encountered the fullness of humanity on earth as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, lover, and friend. You have embraced life with all your strengths and vulnerabilities, your self-doubts and mistakes. You have expressed and acknowledged your fiery rage, stubborn passions and quests as you have embraced your fears and idiosyncrasies.
As you have made your choice to live, you have found the inner sanctum of silence. You have sought a way to nurture love, life, and liberty with the music of the Sacred Breath. You have confessed to be an incorrigible optimist and used it as the antidote to the cynicism that you refuse to be trapped in.
In rough and tougher times, you have invoked our grandmothers’ wisdom for healing and resilience: kasiyana. All shall be well, kasiyana…kasiyana.
Playing the Sacred Breath music has saved the spark of hope, and nurtured the zest for love and life in your Self. The Self that asserts its freedom and sovereignty, and reclaims its wholeness in spite of risks, wounds and scars that make you shine brighter than ever. The Self that decided to transform sorrow and stones cast upon you into foundations for growth and learning. The Self that finds happiness with the wildflowers, in bird songs, in the smiles of children, in the pregnant grains, in blissful silence, in the eternity of love.
My dear one, I am happy that you chose to love and be loved. I have not lost you in that dark alley after all. Writing this letter is as healing as it helps remind you that you are love and light.
Love, Dom-an
About the Author: Dom-an Florence Macagne is co-founder of Indigenous Women Peace and Healing Initiatives (IWPHI), and mother to three daughters. She is a bamboo nose flute player belonging to the Kankanaey indigenous peoples of Sagada in the Philippines’ Cordillera region. She has been volunteering for community and land-based work for peace, resilience and healing.
Her love letter to herself first came out in WWW, Women Writing Women: https://womenwritingwomen.com/2025/03/08/dear-dom-an-love-dom-an-kasinaya-and-our-sacred-breath/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0q1t2cOKxJHX-oSaqh9R9p3qqcCUoe9r4Dfr-kau272MqHA779c_m2jII_aem_mfjuLcJAZHWFR-S3ks6EVA
ABOUT WWW, Women Writing Women: WWW Philippines is a group of empowered women journalists, writers, artists, advocates, and trainers who champion women’s rights by challenging the narratives that delimit girls and women from understanding the world of bigger truths and realities. It aims to create a community that thrives on equality and encourages everyone to heal, grow, and pursue their passion and joys.
Here is the link to their website page: https://womenwritingwomen.com/ https://womenwritingwomen.com/about/
“Kasiyana” is a Kankanaey term that means “all will be well” or “it’s alright, things will get better”. It’s a cultural practice and value that’s used to express hope and encouragement, to acknowledge someone’s unfortunate situation, that balance will be achieved soon, that one will overcome hardships and challenges, that one will get well, that one will have a better tomorrow. (Source: Google AI Overview)
